Sliding By

Hiding
Dunking
Sliding By
Forgetting
Reminded
Sliding by
Wonderful Comfort
Waiting
Seems small
Far away
Unattainable
Sliding by
I should stop
Rest
Breath Him in
But it seems...
Sliding by
I need to stop
I want to stop
I should stop
Stop


"But the comforter, the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in my name will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you." John 14:26

Without You

Your love is like a fairy tale, no end
A greater love than any friend could give
You came to live in this bitter heart when 
I despised the very essence of who you are, 
For your existence seemed so far from this disappointing life
Nothing ever seemed right! 
A God so divine? 
A God who knows no time?
Yet in the midst of absolute despair I would cry out your name; 
“Oh God, are you really there? If you are, than why all this pain?” 
I wanted so bad to hate you! 
Yet as my life lay broken and empty and 
When everything meant nothing and nothing was all I had; 
You were my last chance! 
And still, some of my understanding is lost
I may not ever know your awesome plan but 
I knew how I felt when you took me by your hand
And led me beside the still waters
And laid me down in green pastures
You opened my eyes so I could finally see, 
That your love is a greater love than 
Anything anyone could ever know! 
Without you, we are lost souls 
Wandering the night with nowhere to go

Father

Distracted,
Your light pierces through
Racing,
To catch a glimpse of you
Where winter trees
Stand upright,
Wickedly composed
Half painted sky
I cry out father
and this night refuses
to dismiss
I cannot move
a soul to save me
I cannot paint this sky
I cannot
Only you can perform such
I feel you come to me
With arms opened wide
I lay frozen;
My earthly father was
Nothing like you
It’s too much for me to handle
Forgive me for not letting go
I don’t know how
To get past the scared little girl
I try all the time
and all I do is rhyme


Recently, I was reminded of this poem I wrote nearly 7
years ago when talking to a friend. We talked about
how we relate our fathers to our Father in heaven and
how we have a hard time accepting His Love, which is
perfect and unimaginable.

My Faithful Friend

Part I
Thank you Dear Lord

For your faithfulness to me

Every day I realize how broken I am

You tug at my heart and ask me to change

Oh how unbearable it seems at times

Yet when I submit to this change

I feel warm, I feel right

I feel one with you

And there is nothing better in the entire world then

To feel close to my Maker, my Greatest Friend

You know me better than I know myself

You love me more deeply than I could ever love me

You expect the best of me, for me

Why do I hide sometimes?

I have a stubborn heart

Oh God

And you know it better than anyone!

No matter how painful it seems

I will try to be grateful when you tug

Because I like to feel warm and right

I like it when your arms hold me tight

Part II

Oh, Lord, my greatest friend

You, my Lord, I Love

There is no other who loves

Me the way you do

No other whose faithfulness is true

For you, my Lord, sustain me

There is no other above your throne

And no other who would dwell within

This empty vessel

Your beauty invades my comfort

And I cannot turn my eye from thee

For I would be an utter fool

To not except the wonders you have shown me

I would be a fool to waste away

Without the full assurance

That your pleasures lie within me

For your beauty, Oh Lord, is the

Reason I pull the blankets down

And arise to meet the day

Your beauty, Oh Lord, is why

I cry out to you

Lord, I thank you for your

Invasions for they pull me away from

Sorrow and death

And return to me my home

Off In A Desert

Oh Lord,
You have done for me
What I could have never done myself
Leaving your sovereignty more evident than before
My heart mourns for my lack of faith
Here I’ve remained in desolate thoughts and all the while…


Could the sand upon my feet be any more obvious?


I feel as if you’ve been sneaking behind my back
While I’ve been off in a desert
And it is your spirit that reminds me
You move ahead, not behind
You smooth out rocky paths
And make each day bearable
Could I be any more blessed to call you my Father?
Give me a heart of worship, Oh Lord,
That I may praise your Holy Name

I wrote this prayer shortly after my older brother turned to the Lord and it was totally unexpected, I guess I assumed God had to consult me whenever he was going to save someone I loved...lol.

Blue

Blue skies bring blue days
and hope is left behind,

the clouds who hide he

is only a state of mind

For if when blue skies

come and life brings us

the sun we have chosen

to see and to see is to

know life and to know

life is to know He

By The Riverside

By the Riverside
He exalts my soul
His spirit runs
Through me as fast
As this river flows
Brown grass turns green
My eyes now open, I can see!
What I thought was dead and buried,
Now alive in my conscience!
This feeling of bliss surrounds me,
And nothing can hurt me!
And like the river he guides me
Through scattered rocks
And thoughtless waste
And through the river
I feel the Son
and my heart becomes pure
Like this water in my soul
And with his spirit,
I know... Life
And all that is right

I wrote this shortly after I felt the Lord's presence

for the first time nearly 10 years ago.

Stilled

There is a dead cry

In my soul,

A holding back of baggage
Although I can’t quite
Put my finger on it,
It is there, lingering
In my hardened heart
I no longer feel justified
To continue the
Tantrum this little girl
Has left behind
Pink horizons take me
To a better place
Leaving my soul with
Serene thoughts
I celebrate a tinge
Of what’s to come,
Keeps me moving
To another day
As warm tears cover me
I feel His soft hands form me
And I am left
Stilled


This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD; “go down to the potter’s house, and there. I will give you my message.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the LORD came to me: “O house of Israel , can I not do with you as this potter does:” declares the LORD. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel .” Jeremiah 18:1-6

Hold On

It’s as if I’m

Holding on

To a rope

This rope, being

My only hope
The grip on

The other end

Is strong, steady,

Solid;

Pulls me in

I know I have

Nothing to fear;

So long as I hold on

“Remain in me and I will remain in you.” John 15:4

The Deep

Memories leak into yesterday
As I sit before a new lake of new day
I feel the same wind that blew
throughout and within
I feel sadness in my soul
Life must go on, I know
Yet this deep won’t let me free
and this existence I know
can never be
And as I move on to another time,
Maybe then,
I may finally shine


This is a picture of Wamplers Lake, in the place where my
brothers, cousins and friends swam when I was a child. I
spent many nights looking out over this lake as my mind
filled with many thoughts. I took this picture before I
moved away from my neigborhood. This poem was wrote
five years after I moved as I struggled to let go of my
childhood and grow into a woman and a mother.

Acorn Caps, Leaves and a Tree

Acorn caps and fallen leaves,
A child’s cry and a certain tree
Where a mother struggles
To reach deep in her soul
To find the strength her mother
Had never known
All these feelings so sad
I can’t stop thinking about acorn caps
Or the smell of autumn leaves
and a tree
I would collect caps and leaves
Put them in the center of that tree
Each year I’d do it again
Life was so different then
Why did I repeat such a strange ritual?
Or what did it resemble?
A secret place only I could go?
I held it sacred in my little soul
Oh, what more can I say?
Always craving the day
To grow up and be free
From all the pain hidden in me
I could let go of that
Old wretched tree, and
Not only me, but my
Young sons could be free
Oh Lord,
You are the tree of life!
My acorn caps, leaves, and everything right
I know when I reach deep in my soul
You will be there, you are my strength, and
Your strength will carry me there,
Into a new day, and all the hidden pain in me,
I know will fade away!

This Place of Rest

This place of rest
Is somewhere I never
Wanted to be
Yet this peace that
Abounds is more
Precious than gold
More serene than
All the fame this
World has to offer
Could I be any more blessed?
Thank you Lord
For this place deep within my heart
As I lay upon my bed
And gaze outside my window
I see blue skies
I hear the birds melody
as I sit in a house on a
block I never wanted to be

“Do not be anxious about anything,
but in everything, by prayer and
petition, with thanksgiving, present
your requests to God and the peace
that passes all understanding will guard
your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:4-7

Life

Life,
I don’t understand
It’s not up to me to understand
This, I know
Beautiful voice
From an angel down the road
Ringing in my ears
Like the waves of frequency
Reminding me of
This ironic conclusion;
Jealousy
Jealous that I wasn’t born an angel
Of course, they say it’s not healthy
To think of such things
Yet today I’m blind
I can’t see the silver lining

She mourns her parent’s death
In a beautiful song
For all her fans to hear
Makes me sob like a baby
Tears in a mess
Mascara ruined
Yet I can’t help to think of mine
She claims she was blessed
With wonderful parents
Perhaps I was too
If I could only see past
The war of the roses

I’m a poet
I would love to sing my poems
In a beautiful song
I would love to have my own cd
With my poems glorified
Yet I think there’s no way I could be a
singer of a rock in roll band
I don’t even know if I can sing
I’m fat, how far can I get with that?
How far do fat white chicks get in the
Music industry anyway?
Now I’m playing the role of a martyr
I’m not supposed to do that either
Poor me…right?
What a BIG FAT JOKE LIFE IS ANYWAY?

Yet I put my faith in God
I learn that God loves me
Just the way I am
Yeah…that’s what Barbie
Told me one day…

Yet the pretty angel down the road…
I’m a fan already
Her voice feeds my soul
Ironic isn’t it?
Perhaps I’ll take music lessons
Perhaps I’ll drink slim fast
Then you’ll find me
Back on this paper
After I find out I can’t sing
And I’ve gained 20 pounds
Yeah..I’m a martyr
Off to another meeting
So I can cope with my
Dysfunctional thinking
And try to make my way past
The pity party one more night

(heheh...I wrote this like 8 years ago,
I will always laugh when I read it, hope
you do too..lol)

Luminous

Mystical
-though not
I held grip
The windows of his soul
Shades of fair and ginger came radiating -
I knew the sweetness of this paradox
I felt the familiar delight of a Higher Being
I held his hand -though not
For the shield between us
Kept him safely in the embrace of tranquility
Luminous kept playing
Inside the Poet that is I
Who needed to capture this moment
When my dear brother was born again
-though not


(ask me about this one..lol)

ROCK

Still small voice
Calling me
Drawing me near;
Closer to the rock;
Who shelters,
Protects
Who gives me what I need
The rock who needs nothing
But wants me
Lord,
May I listen with intent

“From the ends of

the earth I call to you,

I call as my

heart grows faint,

lead me to the Rock

that is higher than I.”
Psalm 61:2

Stained

Stained

in the form of disease

making its way to

emotional noise

deep within my soul

This stain unmoving

by my own stubbornness

seals the sickness inside me

I cannot move

No peace is found

Only chills

from the coolness

of my heart

Yet I have learned

this world’s content

is but vapor

without the outstretched

arms of a Savior

I cannot cave

due to this fact

I have known His peace

His love provokes me

To Be Free!

Oh Lord,I want to dance with you!

But I’ve been busy dancing with this world

That old feeling for erotica has moved in

And Lord, this feeling is magnetic!

Could you see why I’ve danced with the idea?

Oh how could I play with sin?

Have I forgotten the words

you spoke to me so many years before?
“Whoever sins is a slave to sin,

chained forever more?”
Have I forgotten the freedom

I felt as you twirled me off my feet?

Oh why would I even think of sinning when

I could dance with You and be free?

“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.

The spirit is willing but the body is weak.”
Matthew 26:41

Please watch this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-B8X5wtklU&feature=related

I Embraced Her Eyes With Mine

I embraced her eyes with mine
As we held the hand of our dying friend
Tears came welling up from our souls
As we sang Amazing Grace
I felt in the moment as much
As my soul could bear
And I knew she felt the same
And through my tears
I embraced her eyes with mine
We share something very special,
We take care of 90 year olds
And we love them
More than they ever know
And what an honor it was,
To watch our Special Friend
March on and out
Through the window
And into the arms of a loving God
That I knew was there…
When I embraced her eyes with mine

Name That Tune

I listened respectfully

To what he had to say

And once again

He replayed the past

To the beat of his own tune
Then comes forth –

a reminder I’ve heard before

Of where he came from –

And what he did for us

I then find myself swaying to this rhythm

And then wondering why

So I stop and remind myself

This is his tune

And I must recoil to my own
So I let him speak

While my mind wonders

I think of what he said

And how it could possibly

Pertain to my own beat
My Dad loved us with t h i n g s

How I get upset with my husband

For not doing the same -

When I fell in love with him

For something Dad never gave

And so, I have named this tune

And if I do nothing about it

I am no better than he

And this life has no truth,

Only the madness

Of a simple beat

In The Dust

you shut down
backed up
wrapped it up
i got your message -
loud and clear
you win -
you always win -
don't you?
you have to win -
it's in your nature -
it pumps through your veins
like a cold - loud -
silent - shout!
this, my friend
is how you fight
this, my friend
is how you win
your war
that silent broken endless
war -
wrapped up in your
4x4
box -
tucked away
for noone to
touch

- i am whipped by the wind
you created
when you quickly -
left me in the dust

Friends

What is it that makes me want to be near you?
When I close my eyes and think of you
I smile
And I see you smile back at me -
With your hair gathered back - tangled and twisted,
Reaching down between your adorable little shoulders
Dancing with the wind as we swing -
I see you higher than me, navigating into the sky
Then falling back beneath me -
On and on we giggle

You followed me up into those years
When growing up seemed fun
I still see you smile!
Our giggles turned to laughter
And a memory I didn't want to let go

We grew up -
We married boys and life came quickly -
With babies and bills and all that stuff that
Makes little girls grow into women

So yes, My Friend,
I know now why I want to be near you!
You bring with you
Pieces of me -
Gathered up in a bouquet of sweetness
And everything that makes this little girl
Smile

This Hollow Heart

This hollow heart
Does not know what to do
The brokeness of all around and within
Seems to shape this existing soul
Seems to shake off any hope
Yet I am here;
And this empty heart -though hopeless- knows
Where to turn

There is Something I cannot deny
Lying in the depths of this vehicle - soul
An awareness that allows me to move;
A connectedness that gives me a way
-to feel the grass between my toes
And as I sit and ponder in this life's abode
I simply cannot deny -
I have Somewhere to go.

*Thank you Lord that you are somewhere within this
Soul waiting for me to come and bare all my burdens...

My Place

Why is it I cringe
when you walk through that door?
I have reasons -
At times,
I could come up with
But I think this one goes
Much deeper

Life was good growing up -
When Dad wasn't around
We could relax
We could play -
We could be o u r s e l v e s

Hours
Would
Go by
Days -
Weeks
And then,
Like a tornado
He'd come flying in
Twisting and turning -
With arms of fire
Shooting out from his
Eyeball that shook -
The left one (mom would understand)

Crazy
Was the word we described it
Devil
Is who I thought he was -

He came to put her in her place
Because at some point he hadn't found his -
No one showed him how to be a m a n

So this cringe
I know
Is wrapped up in this image -
And you have done nothing
To deserve it


I apologize for
these crevices in my soul -
Which have taught me to be unsure of my place
because hers went terribly wrong -

Water Me!

Water me Oh Lord, I’m a weed in a meadow, watch me grow! Watch me grow tall and strong, as I sway to your breath all day long! Shine your warmth down on me Oh Lord, I want to be free! Feed me with your righteousness, and I will grow firm in your promises! I’m thirsty Oh Lord, let me drink! With your love, I’ll never shrink, wither or die, But I will rise! Shoot to the sky! And all the other weeds, flowers and trees will know, that through you Lord, is the only way to grow!