Whatever it Takes

When I began my shift
I was told she hadn't 
dressed or ate all day
My experiences with her 
in the past led me her way
When I arrived, I held her hands and
She opened up to me once again
She misses her husband so very bad
"Seventy one years together" she said
"I don't know how to live without him."

It's been five years since he left
Tears came welling up in her eyes

She explained the day he died
How she couldn't cry
This day, her tears were a surprise

"Sometimes I wonder when people don't cry,
they are afraid it will make the moment real",
I said with a sigh

She felt guilty for taking up my time so
I shared with her my sadness since my brothers death-
We exchanged our memories and the feelings they left

When we finished, she smiled with relief
Not only did she cry, she felt better for helping me

I fixed her hair, then she added lipstick
We smiled together and headed for supper

As she and I walked down the hall,
I felt I had reached my goal
Sometimes we have to do whatever it takes-
As all caregivers know!

(All in a days work)

Your Legacy

My love for you

Has given me a special honor,

To love your sons and daughter

Your love

Inspires me to be a better me, 
For my children and yours

That I may better serve them and

Help them through the coming storms

Since you left, a piece of you came forth in me

Little things like cooking moms suppers for your son

Spending a whole day cleaning like when we were young

Having conversations of dreams with your daughter

Then watching the excitement light up in her laughter

When I'm outdoors watching the kids play,

I recall the baseball game we played with your family and mine

How you wanted to instill in us a memory of happier times

These little things connect me to you

And your absence feels less true

My memories of you make me a better me

Thank you, dear brother, for your legacy!

April Tides

We close our eyes as your ship passes by

The April sun shines upon us as the tides rise high

Your memories are stored away in our treasure minds

The songs you play for us keep your memory alive

We keep living, we keep loving and we realize

How much you love us and how you wish to show us paradise

Days and nights pass and we recall how you shared your life with us

As our father, husband, son, brother and friend

Your memory will always live on in the songs

One day, we will close our eyes and see the sun shining upon the sea

And there you will be, waiting for our ship to pass by

I Am a Caregiver of Time Travelers

I am a caregiver of time travelers,

Each one of them, unique

I use my gifts to love them 

My goal is to meet their needs

Sometimes it's a listening ear

Other times it's what they need to hear

An, "I love you" or a warm embrace 

Turn into small miracles along the way

I say what I need to say, though, some may disagree

My love tells a woman who feels lost; she arrived in a space shuttle

She tells me I'm crazy and her fear turns to chuckles

My love makes fun of a little blind lady

By correcting her when she says, "I'll see you later"

My love guides me to an older gentleman 

Who tells me he loves me with warmth in his eyes
I return his affections, perhaps like his wife, when she was still alive 

My love picks on a ninety-seven year old woman

Who sleeps half the day by suggesting she's lazy,

She plays along with my joke by
Smiling as if she were a disobedient baby

My love pretends I'm Catholic to a woman who assumes I am 

She blesses me with Holy water, and in her eyes, I see the Lamb

I know what I feel and it feels quite right

Though let's assume I'm wrong for the night

For the woman who feels lost, I could tell her she's not

She'd realize her mind is slipping and feel alone in her lot

For the blind lady and the sleep half-a-day lady, 

I could stay quite professional

Never tease them and never crack a smile 

For the gentlemen who tells me he loves me with warmth in his eyes

I could tell him his actions are wrong, though to him, they feel quite right

For the Catholic woman, 

I could break the news to her that I'm not who she thinks I am

She may cease to bless me and neither she nor I would see the Lamb

I am a caregiver of time travelers,

Each one of them, unique

I use my gifts to love them  

My goal is to meet their needs

I Remember You

I always new I'd grow up and look back
To the times that were mine, all mine
I've been living my life as if I'm writing my story
Every moment, every second, 
There is something to tell
Something to write down 
For the world to know about me
I realize, more so, the stories are for me
To embrace life and keep my memories alive
Because at some point, when I was a girl, 
I learned about death, 
How there is no turning back
It's inevitable and permanent







Today I listened to a song from long ago
A song that touched my soul 
When I dreamed of my first crush
Now the moment in time is more
Than just a crush, it is the song,
"I will remember you" by Skid Row
I now think of my brother because
Death swallowed him up and
Took him away, forever

My first crush was his best friend
Now it's no longer about just him
I see them both in my kaleidoscope
Wishing I could hang out, just to be close 
Now I wish I could jump into his Cutlass and
Bring him back and make the memory last

So here I am, thinking of these words and how
They connect me to him, 
Bringing him back to life for just one moment

"I paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see"

"We spent the summer with the top rolled down
Wished ever after would be like this"

"Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Washed away I dream of you"

"Nothing else could ever take you away
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day"

"I'd want to hear you say, I remember you"

I miss you brother,
Your memory is forever placed in my story
May the Lord give me courage to bring you back to life
Again and again and again

Noise

When these empty spaces come;
The busyness from day to day
Shuts down and the noise stops
I am forced to look at me,
A practice I am familiar with but
From now on,I am forced to look at
You and what you went through
Before you took your life into
Your own hands and left us
Then, more so, me, without you and
Even more so, your family without you




We are left here to pick up the pieces
You created when you shattered
Your soul into our hearts
I know your mind was sick
I know your body was sick
Though I can't help to be angry
Not only did you leave, my brother,
You left without a goodbye to all of us
I wish I could have helped you and so does
Everyone else who loved you
We are broken from losing you
We are broken from missing you
We are broken from guilt and shame and
The images we carry of you
In our hearts, in our minds,
On our Facebook walls,
On our phones, on our walls
We carry you in our souls
When these empty spaces come and
The busyness from day to day
Shuts down and the noise stops
A promise of tears and sorrow pay a visit
I have a feeling the noise is what you ran from
I hope you found your place of solitude
Will you pray we all find ours?

Slamming Doors, Summer 2000

I watch the sun rise every day

Then watch the night come and

Fade away into a new day

All without you

Makes me wonder about all the controversy 

Between you and I find myself silent in a sigh

I begin to realize that there's 

Much more to it than just simple differences

Maybe we were just victims of circumstances

The anger I see in you is anger I have felt too

Trying to go about life forgetting and

With all life's frustrating turns

We try not to care

About the haunting past we both share

Just to move on and move away,

Further and further from the 

Bedroom closet and a broken down mother

With tears and shattered mirrors that

Lay about the empty space

Sadness and anger written all over your face

Even today I see it in your eyes and

It reminds me of that time

So maybe this is why I stay away,

Don't want to remember all the sad days

I'm sorry big brother, I just want to 

Get past all the memories, but

Please know I love you and always will and

One day,

My healing will come along with yours and

Life will be new,

Without slamming doors

Slamming Doors II

Winter 2013

I woke up this morning, and

The first thought that came to my mind

Was this poem I wrote back then

When I was searching my soul

For understanding

Feeling God's love and remembering

Letting the Great Healer heal me

A few years later, 

You let God into your heart and

Happily, you accepted a fresh start

I felt, perhaps, this poem 

Played a role in your journey

Then somewhere along the way

You lost hope, you lost control

You hurt your wife, your children

The slamming doors kept swinging and

You made a choice to free them

And yourself, perhaps, to find healing

You so desperately needed 

Oh Big Brother, 

I respect your decision

To let the door slam one last time

Though I don't think you realized

You weren't the monster you thought you were

For we all suffer without you, and would gladly

Open the door and let you back in

Working Man

He was a working man
He made friends with 24 horses
As he shares his memories, I see
They were the fondest times of his life
His mother was a worker,
Who owned and ran a bakery
With business in his blood,
He owned a hardware store
And a towing business
He worked hard his whole life
Was able to retire well and
Pass his legacy to his son
Without a word said I knew
He was a hard working man
For he takes his time dressing
And talks himself through every step
He smiles, he laughs
He seems to find satisfaction
As he picks out his clothes for the day
Especially his belt buckle
Of a golden horse and his leather ties
He collected over the years
At 94, he was and still is
A working man
It runs deep in his veins

Keep me in touch with my dreams... by Ted Loder

Oh Lord,

in the turbulence

and loneliness

of my living from day to day

and night to night,

keep me in touch with my roots,

so I will remember where I came from

and with whom;

keep me in touch with my feelings,

so I will be more aware of who I really am

and what is costs;

keep me in touch with my mind

so I will know who I am not

and what it means;

and keep me in touch with my dreams,

so I will grow toward where I want to go

and for whom.

O Lord,

deliver me

from the arrogance of assuming

I know enough to judge others;

deliver me

from the timidity of presuming

I don't know enough to help others;

deliver me

from the illusion of claiming I have changed enough

when I have only risked little,

that, so liberated,

I will make some of the days to come different.

O Lord,

I ask not to be delivered

from the tensions that wind me tight,

but I do ask

a sense of direction in which to move once wound,

a sense of humor about my disapointments

a sense of respect for the elegant puzzlement of being human,

and a sense of gladness for your kingdom

which comes in spite of my fretful pulling and tugging.

O Lord,

nurture in me

the song of a lover,

the vision of a poet,

the questions of a child,

the boldness of a prophet,

the courage of a disciple.

 O Lord,

it is said you created people

because you love stories.

 Be with me as I live out my story.